This past week I hit a breaking point of sorts…
All my life, I have defined myself based on my achievements. I was the girl who did it all. I thought this would ensure I would have approval. But I never felt approval from myself.
And I have realized that this pattern repeats over and over again. Not feeling enough, taking on too much to feel ‘enough,’ and burning out and not feeling enough.
My life is good; I have fulfilling relationships, I can pursue the career of my choice, I have a nice place to live…I could go on, but you get the point. My life is good- it is my own standards that have always stood in the way of enjoying all of that.
It is hard to change when you have always lived your life in a certain way. For me, this change might take a long time, but I will work for it because I want to live a more meaningful life.
So from now on, I don’t want to be “How does she do it all?” Grace. I want to be more deliberate, mindful, and intentional. As minimalism is often thought of as avoiding an excess of material things, that is only the tip of the iceberg. I am reaching the point where I want to avoid excess in my life- especially things that cause an excess of stress. I have always taken on a busy schedule as a way to cope with my anxiety; I thought that the more I had to do, the less time I would have to be anxious. But this strategy does not work for me, and I need to try something different. It turns out that I was just avoiding my anxiety, I wasn’t actually managing it. I don’t know what the ideal balance is yet, but at least now I am looking- and I am hoping this process will feed my teaching as a yoga instructor.
I think we can all relate to perfectionism and being hard on ourselves, and in some ways, that comes from good intentions. We want to reach our full potential. However, it is becoming clear to me that our full potential doesn’t come from beating ourselves up over every mistake.
So stop beating yourself up, and I will try to do the same.